i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
