i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I smell like Dick and happiness
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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