I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
