opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
