Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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