I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
