you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
