What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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