Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
