A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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