took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
