I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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