who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
