I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
