I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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