i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
