hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
