I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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