I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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