Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
