I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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