He had one of those small greek statue penises
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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