I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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