what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
