After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
