I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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