I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You've changed since you got that strap on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
