I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
