Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
