my phone needs a breathalizer
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
