I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
