I think I just saw someone hide a body.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
