The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
