dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
