This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
