he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
