we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
