just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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