Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
