Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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