We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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