Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
