I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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