We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
did i just pee glitter
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
