my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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