i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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