OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
