hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
