Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
