I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
