I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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