I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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