I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize