Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
