Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there was a trapeze. enough said
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
