i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize