im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
