She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
