it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize