Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
