Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
