I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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