i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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