She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
