this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
