i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
