Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
