How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
