Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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