I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
