Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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