Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
