I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
