I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
