I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
