are you still at the devil's house?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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